![]() I have had plans, actual well thought out plans of running away before, but again I was too scared to truly act upon these desires.Īt school I cannot escape either. From the beginning of last year, I have had suicidal thoughts, but I'm too scared that they won't be successful and I'll end up being a greater disappointment to my parents. All of my achievements, all of my 100 percent tests, everything, is dimmed in the presence of my brothers. Some nights I cry myself to sleep because I just don't see the point of living in this everlasting game of trying to prove to my parents that I am a daughter they can be proud of. They call me fat on a regular basis and my Dad actually has said to me more than once, “Soon you won't fit through that door!” (I weigh 82kg, and I'm very insecure about my weight and have been since I can remember). I have self harmed since an early age, yet my parents fail to see the scars. I had to dig it out from the garage where all the boxes from moving houses are.Īnd I've tried talking to them about the schools thing (they just say "Aren't you over that yet? Seriously, you are so pathetic") and just the general way they treat me and they don't see anything wrong with it. You were quite an ugly baby, actually.” And I have one baby photo. Both of my parents have fond memories from my brothers as babies (“oh they were so cute!” etc.) and they have both tons of baby photos each. ![]() ![]() It's not just the educational stuff either. I get so homesick, sometimes I just can't stop from crying. I can't go to other family either, because they all live thousands of kilometers away, in a different state. Every day of my life is focused on trying to please them. I get straight A's, yet both my brothers get B- and C's on a regular basis, yet whenever they get an A, my parents take that brother out for dinner, but when I get an A they just say 'good for you' in a sarcastic tone and that’s it! And I try so hard to please them, so freaking hard. I hate it! Also, because I now attend the well known for 'bad people' (e.g., people who take drugs, although I have yet to encounter someone taking them) public school in the local area and not the top-notch smart kids school, my parents always put my brothers’ education before mine. Both of my brothers gang up on me too!īefore all of this, I was already treated bad because I like art and not science like my brothers, but now, my parents barely recognize me or treat me like their daughter! Both of my brothers have freedom to do what they want with their friends and go out to parties, but I'm not allowed out of the house after 4 p.m. So here I am now, shunned by my parents and even my brothers (my younger brother was having trouble with a math problem one day, and because I'm not too shabby at math, I offered to help him, but he just said, “you wouldn't understand this! It's too difficult!” This was deeply insulting as it was a pretty simple concept in math that I'd mastered the year before. I also cook dinner and mop and vacuum the house and I get no recognition! Anyway, fast forward a year and my younger brother tries out and guess what? He makes it in. We have an elderly cat, a crazy dog and six chickens. My brothers sit on the Playstation or their computers all day, and I work my butt off hanging out washing, taking care of all of the animals. I do most of the chores in the house, by the way. ![]() My father, on the other hand, didn't talk to me for a month or so other than telling me to move my lazy butt off the bed and do the chores. My mother was upset for me and cried when she heard the results, but soon afterwards she just hit me and told me that I didn't try hard enough. I have a fear of exams, and the exam was held in this massive building filled with thousands (I kid you not) of other, smarter looking students. I didn't even want to go to the school my parents had forced me!Īnyway, I took the test and it was one of my worst experiences. My parents had put me under so much pressure to succeed like my older brother. I studied very hard, neglected all of my schoolwork and when the day of the test rolled around, I almost vomited I was so nervous. I was automatically expected to try out next year when I was eligible, so I did. A couple of years ago, a prestigious select entry school opened in my area and my brother tried out (you had to take a six hour long exam) and made it in. My family is ultra-competitive education wise, and it is a constant battle between my brothers and I who can get the best grades. I have two brothers, one who is 16 and another who is 14. ![]()
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